Walter and the Biffy

 Walter and the Biffy

as told by Kenneth Paul

One of the funniest stories I ever heard Dad tell about himself was the time he was working nights, and on a very cold--subzero--night he had to use the biffy.  Because it was a short distance from the shack, he didn't take a lantern or flashlight, thinking he had been there often enough to know how to do his business in the dark.  Once inside the buffy he struck a match to see if the seat was clean (always a wise thing to do where men go) and then threw it down the hole. He dropped his pants and sat down. In a short moment he began to feel heat which quickly became a lot of heat and he sprung from his sitting position to look down the hole.  The match had ignited a large supply of toilet paper and the fire was beginning to spread toward the wooden structure supporting the biffy.

Not taking time to pull up his pants completely, he barged out the door and ran into his office to get the soda fire extinguisher hanging on the wall by the door.  With the extinguisher in hand, he bolted back outside and rushed to the biffy.  By then the fire had become a larger fire, more threatening to the little house, and fumbling in his  haste for the extinguisher hose, he accidentally let go his pants which fell about his legs, hobbling him. Realizing there was no need for modesty in his circumstance, he was able to gain control of the hose and when he inverted the extinguisher to operate it, as one had to do, the force of the extinguisher fluid against the hose surprised him, and because he had not firmly grasped the hose, it escaped from his hand and, wildly whipping back and forth in the air, sprayed the extinguisher's contents helter-skelter into the biffy. Finally he became master of the conflagration and used the remaining fluid to put out the fire, which left him in the cold and the dark with his pants around his knees.

He had a true sense of humor for he delighted in telling this story about himself.